April (velvetgorgeous) wrote,

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So I'm home sick today. I don't know lately I've been really really cold and shakey and this morning I woke up with the whole stomache thing again and could barely get up. I hate how I was just sick and got sick again, or it just calmed down for a little while and came back. Meh, whatever.

Anyway, I think I can't ever see one of my best friends again due to an incident that happened and that I've not been involved with for 7 months. I guess thats also why I'm sick, I'm kind of sick with worry. I mean, I had my situation like that already and it was terrible, and she was the last person I wanted to corrupt. But anyway too much info I can't say anything else.

I've lately realized that I need to just let my feelings out more. I've lived my whole life holdnig shit in and covering up denial and pain with a stupid fake smile. I mean, I don't like bringing people into my misery, thats why I'd lived like that. But I just need to let it be heard what I feel like. And not just politically anymore.

Ughhh, I feel like I'm writing all the posts I'd already written like three years ago when I was the "depressed teenager" and this seems all too farmiliar to me.

Anyway, I still need to get over something that was harder to get over than I thought. I figured heyy, it's just another war story but then you look at it and it felt like a lot more than just another person but whatever, it's normal to let things like this get to you for a while.

Well, I'm off to try to contact my best friend, again.

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